Article | Amazing Medical Breakthrough Announced!
Dramatic Cure for Mysteriously Debilitating Condition!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Researchers at Rhode Island Dancesport, in East Greenwich, Rhode Island today announced the successful completion of tests on a new treatment for that mysteriously debilitating condition known as "2 Left Feet." Review of the tests by the FDA (Federal Dance Administration) reveal that this new method is 120% effective in clinical trials.
"2 left feet" has most commonly been encountered in males, manifesting itself when they are asked about dancing, although it is also know to afflict women. The most common symptom of this ailment is the victim saying "I can't dance - I have 2 left feet."
Tests, until now kept tightly under wraps, show that after just one treatment of swing, fox trot or rumba instruction, by private appointment at Rhode Island Dancesport, all symptoms of "2 left feet" disappear. This condition is frequently replaced with:
"Wow, that was fun, let's do it again"
"Gee, I didn't know dancing was so easy" and
"What a nice way to meet new people."
The studies reveal that once the treatment is applied, the symptoms never recur. Dancers report repeated instances of smiling and feeling happy, much livelier social lives, and a dramatically improved sense of well-being from the vigorous (but gentle) exercise provided by dancing.
Those taking the treatment for extended periods have been observed dancing in their living rooms when they think no one is watching, and showing off their dance steps at friends' weddings.
Studies have also shown that the additional benefits include elimination of complaints about "nothing to do" and disappearance of the words "there is no place around here to meet anyone nice" and "how come you never take me anywhere romantic."
The tests have been conducted by private treatments since June 2006. Group treatments are only $15 per person (sorry, not covered by most medical insurers). The treatment center is open and accepting patients. Efrosyni Iosiphidis, head of clinical dance research, can be reached at (401) 529-1690 or at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Experts caution that left untreated, "2 left feet" can lead to uncontrolled bouts of television watching, whining and aimless mall shopping. It may even cause those experiencing this ailment to fall victim to the dreaded condition, "couch potato." Experts advise immediate treatment.